Coaching Thought: What do you really, really, really want?

Do you know what you want for your life?

I mean really, really, really want?

Think about it for a moment…

I’ll wait…

It is an intriguing thought, isn’t it?

It is the first question I ask all my clients before we start coaching together and nine out of ten times, the response is one of two things, a very quiet, “I don’t know” or an energetic, “I’ll tell you what I want. I don’t want my job. I don’t want my house. I don’t want to feel the way I do.” You get the picture.

Most of us aren’t actually aware of what we want because we are painfully aware, and focused on, what we don’t want.

It is MUCH easier (and WAY more fun) to move toward what you want than away from what you don’t want. Think of it this way, would you rather exercise to avoid getting fat or exercise because you love the vibrancy you feel?  When we know what want, the steps toward it are easier to find and more fun to do!

How do we know if we know what we want?

Here is a very easy test to know if you know what you want. State what you want. Is your statement in the positive? (“I want a new car” rather than “I don’t want my car”.) If so, you know what you want! Focus on it and move forward. If it was in the negative, read on.

Figuring Out What You Want

So, if you don’t know what you want, how do you figuring it out? This steps is the first step to moving forward with your life. Here are a few suggestions:

Childhood Fantasies:

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you want your life to be like? Our childhood fantasies often give us clues to our deep-down yearnings. (I’ll share mine on the radio show. It is kinda funny. You just might want to listen!)

Using Envy For Good Not Evil:

When we envy people, it is because they have something we want…and we assume we can’t have it.  Whom do you envy?  Do you want what they have?  If so, add it to your list of what you want for yourself.  If you don’t (and, surprisingly, you often don’t!) you have just transformed the negativity of envy into being genuinely happy for the other person!

Clarity through Contrast:

What don’t you want in your life?  Make a list — it might be a big one! (And don’t worry if it is. Really. I mean it. No fretting.)

Then cross each one off and write the opposite.  Is that what you want?  Maybe, maybe not.  You might be surprised to find it isn’t quite what you want.  Tweak the statement until it is what you want.  (Example: “I don’t want my job.”  “I want another job.”  “Wait, no, I don’t.  I don’t want to work anymore.  Wait, yes I do, just not as much.  I want a part-time job.”  See how that works?)  Then add detail.  “I want a part-time job working with animals.  I want to work M-W only in the morning.”  Break it down to what you really want to do, adding as much detail as you need.

Attractive Images:

What images attract you?  Look through magazines and find pictures that you feel drawn to.  Reflect on what draws you to them and the feeling you get when you look at them. Is it the emotion the people in the photo are expressing? Is it the location? The colors? Images are very powerful and you can learn alot from what you are drawn to.

Working through all of these thoughts and ideas will get you FAR in figuring out what you want!

Okay, I also have some more tips on helping you: How do you figure out what you want?

AND you can listen to my radio show/podcast on this very subject: What do you really, really, really want?

Are you ready? Now go for it!